I just ordered one of these little guys online. And I'm going to use him.

Amish in the City?

How on Gods glorious Earth could I have missed this revolutionary revolution in Television, Religion, and Culture? Amish in the City! Amish people going out into the real world and doing things that real world people do, like swimming in the ocean, and fornicating with Tiger Woods. The most important reality show in American and Amish history and I missed it. I am able to watch clips of it on youtube (because my Religion does not yet forbid electricity) and as I suspected, an Amish girl in a 2 piece swimsuit is just the most fantastic thing. What hetero sexual man wouldn't want an Amish chick in a swimsuit for a girlfriend? A gay one that's who. I mean can you imagine? They can't use condoms so you know you can easily get them pregnant. You could probably infiltrate a community of Amishinites, make sweet love as God Himself intended it to all of the modest lovelies, and before you know it the entire village is the forest of your seed. You could be Ruler of the village and with your offspring raise an Army to defeat and conquer other Amish villages. You could have the entire jarred jelly and quilt market in the palm of your Earth tilling hand. Can you imagine the power? Can you? I can't.